How to Talk to Family About Your Child’s Behavioral Challenges: Scripts & Strategies for Parents
Family gatherings are meant to feel joyful, but for many parents, they can also bring stress, especially when a child struggles with big emotions, impulsivity, sensory overload, or behavioral challenges that others may not understand. The comments, quiet judgments, unsolicited advice, or confused looks from relatives can leave parents feeling defensive, stressed, or even ashamed.
But here’s the truth every parent deserves to stand on:
**Your child isn’t “being bad.**
They aren’t doing this on purpose.
Their brain is working harder than it should.**
Behavior is communication. And when a child’s brain has difficulty with emotional regulation, sensory processing, attention, or impulse control, their behavior reflects those struggles, not a lack of discipline or poor parenting.
Helping extended family understand this can transform gatherings from stressful to supportive. Below is a guide to help you start those conversations with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
Start with the Science: “My child’s brain works differently.”
Many relatives simply don’t understand how brain development affects behavior. You don’t need to give them a neuroscience lecture; just a simple explanation helps.
Try saying:
“Some of the things you may see, like big reactions, difficulty sitting still, shutting down, or seeming rude, are not choices. They happen because their brain is having a hard time in that moment.”
This reframes the issue from behavior to brain function, which tends to reduce judgment and increase empathy.
Explain That Kids Don’t Choose Meltdowns or Misbehavior
A child who melts down in a noisy room or talks back impulsively isn’t trying to be disrespectful; they’re overwhelmed.
Helpful framing:
“When their nervous system gets overloaded, they can’t access the skills they need to stay calm or flexible. They’re not misbehaving at you; they’re struggling and overstimulated.”
Kids do well when they can, not when they want to. When they can’t, it means there’s a developmental or regulatory skill gap, not a motivation issue.
Share What Helps and What Doesn’t
Extended family often wants to help but may not know how.
You can say:
“If you see them getting overwhelmed, giving them space, offering a calm voice, and avoiding escalating the situation helps a lot.”
And just as important:
“Punishment, lecturing, or pushing them to socialize can make things harder for them. It’s ok if they need a break.”
This sets boundaries while giving relatives a role that feels helpful and supportive.
Normalize the Need for Breaks or Modified Expectations
Children who struggle with sensory or emotional regulation will need breaks from noise, crowds, and stimulation.
A helpful script:
“We may take some time in a quiet room or step outside for a reset. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong. We’re just helping their brain get back to a calmer state.”
This prevents relatives from misinterpreting the breaks as discipline issues or “giving in.”
Redirect Judgment With Compassionate Language
If a family member comments with:
“Why can’t they just listen?”
“He’s too old to act this way.”
“She just needs stricter discipline.”
You can simply respond with:
“I know it can look that way, but their brain just processes things differently. We’re working on these skills, but it takes time.”
This reframes the moment without arguing or defending your parenting.
Remind Loved Ones That Kindness Helps Kids Grow
Kids who struggle behaviorally already feel different. What they need most is understanding, not criticism.
Reassure your family:
“Your patience, kindness, and encouragement make a huge difference for them. Even small moments of connection help build their confidence.”
Studies show that supportive social environments strengthen emotional regulation and help children develop resilience.
You may want to try complimenting or praising what went well! Often, praising the good you see and calling out the family members who DO take note of your approach to your child’s behavior can encourage future positive interactions.
Share What You’re Doing to Support Your Child’s Development
This helps family understand there is a plan.
Example:
“We’re supporting their brain development through activities that improve emotional regulation, focus, and sensory processing. It’s helping, but change takes time.”
You can share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with.
Protect Your Child’s Confidence
If a situation escalates, prioritize your child—not the feelings of onlookers.
You might say:
“We’re going to step away because they need support right now.”
Kids remember how adults responded to them during their hardest moments.
You’re Not Alone, and Your Child Deserves Understanding
Navigating holiday gatherings or family events with a child who struggles behaviorally isn’t easy. But you shouldn’t have to apologize for your child or feel ashamed of their challenges.
The more you help extended family understand that these behaviors reflect how your child’s brain is functioning, not intentional misbehavior, the more compassion and support your child will receive.
And if you find that your child consistently struggles with emotional regulation, sensory processing, focus, or social behavior, it may be a sign that their brain is working harder than it should to keep up.
This is where Brain Balance can help.
By strengthening the brain connections responsible for behavior, attention, sensory integration, and emotional control, the Brain Balance Program helps children build the skills they’re missing—not just cope with their challenges.
If your child is struggling more than their peers, you don’t have to face it alone. A customized plan can help your child feel more confident, more regulated, and more successful in every environment—including those family gatherings that feel so overwhelming right now.
Learn more about how Brain Balance can support your child’s development and help your entire family navigate these moments with more peace and understanding.
Contact us today to schedule an assessment. You can also view the research and results of the program on the website.
