Supporting the Whole Child: Building Empathy Through Understanding Your Neurodiverse Child’s Emotional Connection Styles

Every child wants to feel understood, valued, and supported. For Neurodiverse children, this need can be even more important and, sometimes, more complicated. Many of these children experience heightened emotions, social misunderstandings, and have difficulty reading social cues. However, two complementary parenting approaches can work together to help you better understand your child: 

Building empathy and understanding how your child feels supported.

When combined, these approaches help children develop emotional intelligence, stronger relationships, and confidence in who they are. 

Why Empathy Development Matters

Empathy is the ability to understand and respond to other people’s feelings. Research shows that some children with ADHD may struggle more with perspective-taking and identifying emotions in social situations, even when intelligence and language skills are similar to peers.

This doesn’t mean children with ADHD lack compassion. Instead, it often means they need more direct teaching, modeling, and practice. Studies and clinical guidance suggest empathy grows best through:

• Daily conversations about emotions

• Role-playing social situations

• Practicing perspective-taking

• Modeling empathy as a parent or caregiver

• Using real-life or media examples to discuss feelings and motives

For ADHD brains, making emotions visible, concrete, and practiced repeatedly is key.

Understanding Emotional Connection Styles in Children

Every child has an emotional connection style, the ways they most easily feel safe, supported, and understood. Some children feel most connected through time together, others through physical comfort, encouragement, shared activities, or helpful actions.

Parents can often identify a child’s preferred way of receiving love by watching how they:

• Ask for attention

• Show love for others

• React to praise, time together, or physical comfort

• Respond to stress

Using Emotional Connection Styles to Teach Empathy

Connection Through Presence

Children feel safest when you play, sit with them during hard moments, and give them undivided attention. During those times you can teach them to look out for feelings and discuss them so there is understanding behind emotions. Best ways to teach them empathy include:

• Reading books and talking about characters’ emotions and feelings

• Watch shows and pause to discuss emotions

• Talk through real-life situations

• Shared attention allows for connection through presence and creates a safe learning space.

Connection Through Encouragement

A child feels supported when you notice effort, give specific praise and verbally recognize their emotions. Try to give more affirmations related to emotions and praise them for having empathy. Some examples may include:

• “I noticed you helped your friend; that was kind.”

• “You saw she was upset and checked on her. That shows empathy.”

• “I really admire your patience and how you stayed calm when things got difficult.”

Naming empathetic actions helps children recognize them in themselves and allows them to be more mindful of them in the future.

Connection Through Physical Comfort

For some children, calming their body comes before processing emotions. Grounding may include a hug, staying close during stressful moments, or offering physical reassurance. Self-regulation can also be taught through simple tools like “smell the flower, blow out the candle,” or the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory technique, which guides children to notice what they see, touch, hear, smell, and taste.

Once regulated, you can gently ask:

• “Can I rub your back or just sit with you while you sort out these big feelings?”

• “It’s okay to feel sad/angry. I’m here to help you feel safe.”

Connection Through Supportive Actions

Making a space for children where they feel valued is important; it can be simply anticipating their needs, helping when overwhelmed, or making life tasks easier during stress. Modeling empathy by doing things for others and letting the children know it is from a spot of care, children learn empathy most from watching.

Examples to show children:

• “I’m going to bring the neighbor soup because they are not feeling well.”

• “Let’s get all the chores done before they get home, because they are not having a good day.”

Connection Through Tangible Gestures

Making a child feel remembered by bringing something small that shows you thought of them, or creating traditions or special rituals. Encouraging children to consider what another person truly wants or needs, rather than what they want themselves. Teaching them perspective-taking where it forces children to imagine themselves in another’s situation. Some examples of this to demonstrate in front of a child:

• “It’s not about how much money it costs, but that we thought about what makes them special,”

• “Let’s think about what Grandma loves. What gift could make her smile?”

The Big Takeaway

Children with ADHD or learning differences do not need less emotional support, but more intentional, relationship-centered guidance. When empathy skill-building is thoughtfully paired with an understanding of a child’s emotional connection style, it creates a foundation for emotional safety, social competence, effective communication, and self-confidence. Most importantly, this approach allows children to feel genuinely seen and understood—an essential experience that not only supports their own growth, but also nurtures their capacity to empathize with and connect to others.

Practical Activities That Support Both Emotional Connection and Empathy

Emotion Detective Game: Watch a show on mute and guess character emotions

Role-Play Social Situation:  Practice:

• Comforting someone

• Joining group play

• Repairing after conflict

Daily Feelings Check-In:  Ask:

• What felt good today?

• What felt hard today?

• Did you notice someone else having a hard day?